| Weaving It Through Us... |
[21 Jul 2006|12:34pm] |
Im going to Truck.
and its gunna be hot, but its also gunna rain. ohh yes. Who needs showers when you have English summers?!
I need "Ohhh la la la la la. I need La la la la la."
You're all SEXYYYY (but not as sexy as my bloated stomach.)
xXx
|
|
| All you need is... |
[13 Jul 2006|02:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Mob Deep |
] |
The fake "i'll stay in touch forever and forever, we're best mates" attitude that everyone (excluding the realists, and the geeks who dont have an option cus they didnt have any friends to stay in touch with in the first place) adopted at the end of secondary school is so dumbly ironic. It makes me laugh SO fucking much.
Yeh, right. Like i'm goin to make an effort to remain "friends" with people who i barely liked in the first place, and only vaguely accepted because we were daily forced into the same small, suffocating environment. If i'd been all alone,day in day out in the hell that was school, life would have been even less worth living because i owuld have had to endue the pain that is watching half dead, hypocritical, bullying teachers lecture us (but mostly me actually, because the rest of you tried your hardest in lessons and no matter how much you drank or smoked or fucked or raved at the weekend, you were always teachers pet on Monday morning) on the virtues of life in the big wide world (which would definately be over almost instantly if you went into it wearing a nose piercing). What i'm trying to say is that i probably used alot of the people that i claimed to like at school.
If i'm still in touch with you now; i always liked you and probably always did. If i occasinally speak to you, i'm a bit of a lazy bitch but we're cool, you're chillin, we can cope. If i get hold of you once in a blue moon and spew my personal problems to you, then i'm probably bored or want attention because everyone else actually worth speaking to is unreacheable. If we never speak, but i'll stop to chat in the steet, then i'm most likely pretty ambivilant towards you; you're not cool enough to be classed as a friend, but you're alright, mediocare, manageable. And if i never speak to you, or pretend i don't know who you are in the street, or look at you like you've got bird shit trickling down your forehead, then you're a total twat and i can't really be assed to look at you because your face most probably makes me feel nauseous.
That goes for most of you then.
xXx
|
|
|
[14 Jun 2006|06:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 irritated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Damien Rice- O |
] |
Why is it that all the hot guys have ex girlfriends and stupid issues surrounding them? His stomach is toned, he's fit as fuck, he chills me out by stroking me, but when he talks about his ex he sounds like a fucking soft bitch.
xXx
|
|
| Rest In Pieces |
[18 May 2006|05:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
irate |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Pj Harvey/Josh Homme-Powdered Wig Machine |
] |
I honestly don't know where all this hate and disgust directed towards me from Aaron stems from. It should be the other way round. He has a really warped way of thinking about things. I want my Kosheen CD back from him, but it really isn't worht the hassle. I'm just gunna buy a new one. Because i have money and a job and intellect. Whereas he has nothing. He can barely read, he'll end up just like his junkie dad and the bastard can rot in hell for all i care.
Im not even bitter about it anymore. Anger is still there, but fuck it. I'm better than he can ever dream of being.
People always go on about being helplessly addicted to drugs, drink etc.But i honestly think that everything has the capability to be addictive.I am addicted to arguments, sex, jewellry, writing, the dream of clear skin, paranoia, weed, sleep, change and feeling wanted.
xXx
|
|
| Down By The Sea |
[14 May 2006|01:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Morcheeba-The Sea |
] |
Sharks won Shipwrecked. I am devasted. It is a day of mourning.
Tigers are the best-they have fat dirty lesbian Charlie, filthy Katy, sexiest girl Alara and fit boy Richy. They stole champagne and food from the other island. Fucking genius! On the otherhand, Sharks have ugly Niff, gross nudist boy John, fat girl and sister of physco Geoff Joe.
It's the end of an era.
And im gunna go fill out an application for next years Shipwrecked.
xXx
|
|
|
[07 May 2006|04:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 groggy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Queen Adreena- FM Doll |
] |
I find it really disconcerting how downhill my writing has gone. There was a point, a few years ago, when i could sit and type really beautiful, harrowing pieces for hours. When i typed the words, they read exactly how they had sounded in my head. Now, i found it unbelievably hard to find the motivation to sit down and get the thoughts out on paper. I know what i want to say, it's just difficult to write it. Everything's a jumble. And when i do write, it's normally predictably cliche and boring and uninteresting and cold and not at all how i trained myself to be through my weeks spent in bed simply writing in my diary till my fingers were swollen and red.
Drugs kill creativity. For a while, they breed imagination and motivation. But then they turn your brain to mushy peas and nothing new can be created. It's heart breaking.
For the last six months or so, weed has made me really small girl giggly and introverted. I get stupidly confused, shy, awkward and doopey. Sitting with my arms crossed on the outside of a social circle, i think about myself and my life and leave them to the pettiness and dulldom of their days. Beacause i am so clearly better than them.
Pretenciousness is ugliness.
xXx
|
|
| Let Me Burn Your Fucking Heart |
[30 Apr 2006|10:26am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
groggy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Kittie-Brackish |
] |
I don't really remember much of last night. From smoking with Jamie, it all went hazy sweet blue, clouded around the edges. We ate curry and chocolate fondo, had a few smokes, and played a drinking game.
All i know is that i was pretty stonned, stumbling about and in my own little world. I ate Ben&Jerry's ice cream in bed, then fell asleep thinking about Aaron.
xXx
I wrote a poem.
Suffocation
Each day blends into the next.
Pastel greys melting with swallowing black
Creating violent stains, smears and smudges
Of a storms sky rubbed onto cheap paper.
The end burns bright,
Like the cherry red end of a cigarette
Drawing tar sludge chemical ridden smoke deep within.
It rots all of me.
Eyes clamped shut,
As tight as a door held against an intruder.
As I spasm beneath your weight
As you drip within me
As sanity slips from its grasp on my cranium,
It all becomes
As clear as spilt semen.
Boyfriend, beauty, exploiter, enemy, lover, liar.
The boy to blame
The cause of ten scars
Hates being stuck inside me.
I clench my muscles,
Enfold him in me.
But with a groan,
A release,
A “Thank you for that,”
He’s gone.
|
|
| Oh My Gosh |
[22 Apr 2006|08:36pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 gloomy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Leftfield-Open Up |
] |
I do like my colleges.
This is my stonner thoughts...
|
|
| Whats Your Take on Cassauetes? |
[17 Apr 2006|04:39pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
guilty |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Katastrophe Wife |
] |
Ollie came over at half eleven last night, pissed as fuck, wearing a hat and slurring bollocks. I just wanted to watch Heartbreakers and sleep. I could not be fucked with it and him. Hypocritical self pity, selfishness, demanding and all other thoughts flying out the window when sex is an option are my pet hates for today.
Where has tradition gone? I got a chocolate cow for Easter. But now it has no legs, horns or snout. They tasted good.
Ebay is so damn addictive. In the last few weeks i have purchased and am planning to get...
* vintage blue sunglasses
* fake leather jacket
* floor length vintage dress
* Caflon ear piercing gun and studs
* signed Poppy Z Brite Lost Souls and Exquiiste Corpse first US editions
* zebra print curtains
I have been designing my tattoo. Spirally fonts are hard to draw and i have total respect for tattoists. Mine's going to be pink and black and its goin to kick ass.
xXx
|
|
|
[12 Apr 2006|05:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cranky |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Rich Beech-Photoframe |
] |
I ve got a million things to say, but they never seem to come out.
Heavy weekend. I am NOT used to being out yet. It's odd, i'll leave the house and still feel really claustrophic and shy and closed in on myself.
FRIDAY night i dressed up as pirate, went to Katy's flat for a drink, fitted myself in a fridge, met old faces, chatted bullshit to random people, watched the Labyrinthe and passed out.
SATURDAY i took my lil brothers to Vicki Park, was outraged to be charged for £1.10 for the smallest plastic cup of instant hot chocolate in the world, fell asleep while watching Ice Age 2, took people to my house, smoked too much and totally chilled out then fell asleep next to Sim.
SUNDAY i stayed at Ollie's. Watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (which is a fucking brilliant film), drank wine and got a little too pissed. We hugged for what seemed like eternity becasue i was hurting and Ollie was "concerned," then fell asleep at 4am.
MONDAY i managed to crawl into work, then everyone came out for Wendy's leaving party at Vanessa's pub in Larkhall. Had a few drinks, chatted to Jaz and Jess and went home.
Now my throat is killing me, the situation with Ollie is even more fucked, and i am cravin food that i dont have...
xXx
|
|
| Collars and Cuffs |
[06 Apr 2006|06:17pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 nerdy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Czars Now- Alkali Vigilante |
] |
I have been seeing alot of Ollie Jelley recently. We sat in Henrietta Gardens on Monday cus it was vaguely hot and apparently we had to talk adult stuffs which is never good. Tuesday night he stayed over and i got cained and fell asleep while he watched a Kung Fu film. I woke up at 1am and i chatted stonner bollocks to him til the sun came up. Wednesday we met up once i finished work and we sat next to a church while i had a joint and discussed whether or not Y is a vowel. We are goin to Wales together to saty in his uncles empty house in the summer...
Sunday i went to Doms and saw my pretty pretty pretty people. All my friends are edible.
Just came back home from work then a spliff in the crescent with people. Chaz is growing into a dude of a guy...
I feel partially content.
xXx
|
|
| Hell |
[25 Mar 2006|09:20pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 intimidated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
PJ Harvey- Is This Desire? |
] |
Im so scared.
|
|
| Rats |
[23 Mar 2006|06:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
gloomy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Simpson's Theme |
] |
Being in town all the time again is slightly unnerving. I keep seeing people i havent seen in ages. surrealism.
I hate not being great at something, and i hate looking stupid.
Im paranoid.
I want a spliffff, a hot chocolate Doolally Style, 12 hours sleep, the perfect figure and not to be a girl.
xXx
|
|
|
[15 Mar 2006|05:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 good |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Pendulum ft Jasmine Lee-Sounds of Life |
] |
Pendulum's the best.
|
|
|
[14 Mar 2006|04:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 rejuvenated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Lauryn Hill- Doo Woop (That Thing) |
] |
I GOT A MOTHERFUCKING JOB
xXx
|
|
|
[07 Mar 2006|04:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
groggy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Task Force |
] |
Being at Ollie's last night was chillin. We watched Sid & Nancy and Girl, Interrupted on DVD. Had a few spliffs, drank beer and chatted bullshit to each other. It got to 2 am, so i made Ollie watch Jeremy Kyle. We stupidly had sex again. But he wanted it so it's all ok. And i felt pretty for an hour.
Some idiot paid £26 for my red & black leapard print bag on Ebay. Little do they know that i got it for 20p at a car boot sale. It's from H &M, so new it would only have cost a fiver at the most. Ha.
My throat aches like a bitch.
And i have a job interview next week.
Love lust ex's and kisses.
xXx
|
|
| Look At Your Monitor |
[06 Mar 2006|02:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crazy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Le Tigre- Phanta |
] |
I got my Truck Fetsival ticket and i'm having a night in with Ollie, so i'm happy.
The nightmares have stopped.
I may get a cleaning job. I dont give a shit if anyone thinks its low; it's good money, its something i love and i dont have to deal with people.
Camera's lie.
I wish i was motivated- anyone got any secrets?
xXx
|
|
| "I dont really give a fuck about you.Put some make up on your face" |
[05 Mar 2006|07:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 restless |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
My Ruin- Beauty Fiend |
] |
I wrote my mum a letter. That always helps things.
Nice people are the nemesis of all evil. Boring. Fake. Try hards.
I feel more than a little hated, bored, poor and unsociable. How long is it since i had a fucking night out? If i dont get this Puzzle Job im gunna go kill a cat.
I WANT MY GUITARRRRR.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
pretty_like_u's journal
indescribable
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small}
