Cheap Champagne and Stolen Romance

Weaving It Through Us...

2006-07-21T11:35:36Z

Im going to Truck.
and its gunna be hot, but its also gunna rain. ohh yes. Who needs showers when you have English summers?!

I need "Ohhh la la la la la. I need La la la la la."

You're all SEXYYYY (but not as sexy as my bloated stomach.)
xXx

All you need is...

2006-07-13T14:05:11Z

The fake "i'll stay in touch forever and forever, we're best mates" attitude that everyone (excluding the realists, and the geeks who dont have an option cus they didnt have any friends to stay in touch with in the first place) adopted at the end of secondary school is so dumbly ironic. It makes me laugh SO fucking much.
Yeh, right. Like i'm goin to make an effort to remain "friends" with people who i barely liked in the first place, and only vaguely accepted because we were daily forced into the same small, suffocating environment. If i'd been all alone,day in day out in the hell that was school, life would have been even less worth living because i owuld have had to endue the pain that is watching half dead, hypocritical, bullying teachers lecture us (but mostly me actually, because the rest of you tried your hardest in lessons and no matter how much you drank or smoked or fucked or raved at the weekend, you were always teachers pet on Monday morning) on the virtues of life in the big wide world (which would definately be over almost instantly if you went into it wearing a nose piercing). What i'm trying to say is that i probably used alot of the people that i claimed to like at school.
If i'm still in touch with you now; i always liked you and probably always did. If i occasinally speak to you, i'm a bit of a lazy bitch but we're cool, you're chillin, we can cope. If i get hold of you once in a blue moon and spew my personal problems to you, then i'm probably bored or want attention because everyone else actually worth speaking to is unreacheable. If we never speak, but i'll stop to chat in the steet, then i'm most likely pretty ambivilant towards you; you're not cool enough to be classed as a friend, but you're alright, mediocare, manageable. And if i never speak to you, or pretend i don't know who you are in the street, or look at you like you've got bird shit trickling down your forehead, then you're a total twat and i can't really be assed to look at you because your face most probably makes me feel nauseous.
That goes for most of you then.
xXx

pretty_like_u @ 2006-06-14T18:01:00

2006-06-14T17:03:46Z

Why is it that all the hot guys have ex girlfriends and stupid issues surrounding them? His stomach is toned, he's fit as fuck, he chills me out by stroking me, but when he talks about his ex he sounds like a fucking soft bitch.

xXx

Rest In Pieces

2006-05-18T16:49:48Z

I honestly don't know where all this hate and disgust directed towards me from Aaron stems from. It should be the other way round. He has a really warped way of thinking about things. I want my Kosheen CD back from him, but it really isn't worht the hassle. I'm just gunna buy a new one. Because i have money and a job and intellect. Whereas he has nothing. He can barely read, he'll end up just like his junkie dad and the bastard can rot in hell for all i care.
Im not even bitter about it anymore. Anger is still there, but fuck it. I'm better than he can ever dream of being.

People always go on about being helplessly addicted to drugs, drink etc.But i honestly think that everything has the capability to be addictive.I am addicted to arguments, sex, jewellry, writing, the dream of clear skin, paranoia, weed, sleep, change and feeling wanted.

xXx

Down By The Sea

2006-05-14T12:58:02Z

Sharks won Shipwrecked. I am devasted. It is a day of mourning.
Tigers are the best-they have fat dirty lesbian Charlie, filthy Katy, sexiest girl Alara and fit boy Richy. They stole champagne and food from the other island. Fucking genius! On the otherhand, Sharks have ugly Niff, gross nudist boy John, fat girl and sister of physco Geoff Joe.
It's the end of an era.
And im gunna go fill out an application for next years Shipwrecked.

xXx

pretty_like_u @ 2006-05-07T16:14:00

2006-05-07T15:22:01Z

I find it really disconcerting how downhill my writing has gone. There was a point, a few years ago, when i could sit and type really beautiful, harrowing pieces for hours. When i typed the words, they read exactly how they had sounded in my head. Now, i found it unbelievably hard to find the motivation to sit down and get the thoughts out on paper. I know what i want to say, it's just difficult to write it. Everything's a jumble. And when i do write, it's normally predictably cliche and boring and uninteresting and cold and not at all how i trained myself to be through my weeks spent in bed simply writing in my diary till my fingers were swollen and red.
Drugs kill creativity. For a while, they breed imagination and motivation. But then they turn your brain to mushy peas and nothing new can be created. It's heart breaking.

For the last six months or so, weed has made me really small girl giggly and introverted. I get stupidly confused, shy, awkward and doopey. Sitting with my arms crossed on the outside of a social circle, i think about myself and my life and leave them to the pettiness and dulldom of their days. Beacause i am so clearly better than them.

Pretenciousness is ugliness.

xXx

Let Me Burn Your Fucking Heart

2006-04-30T09:37:46Z

I don't really remember much of last night. From smoking with Jamie, it all went hazy sweet blue, clouded around the edges. We ate curry and chocolate fondo, had a few smokes, and played a drinking game.
All i know is that i was pretty stonned, stumbling about and in my own little world. I ate Ben&Jerry's ice cream in bed, then fell asleep thinking about Aaron.
xXx

I wrote a poem.

Suffocation

Each day blends into the next.

Pastel greys melting with swallowing black

Creating violent stains, smears and smudges

Of a storms sky rubbed onto cheap paper.

The end burns bright,

Like the cherry red end of a cigarette

Drawing tar sludge chemical ridden smoke deep within.

It rots all of me.

Eyes clamped shut,

As tight as a door held against an intruder.

As I spasm beneath your weight

As you drip within me

As sanity slips from its grasp on my cranium,

It all becomes

As clear as spilt semen.

Boyfriend, beauty, exploiter, enemy, lover, liar.

The boy to blame

The cause of ten scars

Hates being stuck inside me.

I clench my muscles,

Enfold him in me.

But with a groan,

A release,

A “Thank you for that,”

He’s gone.

Oh My Gosh

2006-04-22T19:37:20Z

I do like my colleges.
This is my stonner thoughts...

Whats Your Take on Cassauetes?

2006-04-17T15:50:26Z

Ollie came over at half eleven last night, pissed as fuck, wearing a hat and slurring bollocks. I just wanted to watch Heartbreakers and sleep. I could not be fucked with it and him. Hypocritical self pity, selfishness, demanding and all other thoughts flying out the window when sex is an option are my pet hates for today.
Where has tradition gone? I got a chocolate cow for Easter. But now it has no legs, horns or snout. They tasted good.
Ebay is so damn addictive. In the last few weeks i have purchased and am planning to get...
* vintage blue sunglasses
* fake leather jacket
* floor length vintage dress
* Caflon ear piercing gun and studs
* signed Poppy Z Brite Lost Souls and Exquiiste Corpse first US editions
* zebra print curtains

I have been designing my tattoo. Spirally fonts are hard to draw and i have total respect for tattoists. Mine's going to be pink and black and its goin to kick ass.

xXx

pretty_like_u @ 2006-04-12T17:04:00

2006-04-12T16:13:46Z

I ve got a million things to say, but they never seem to come out.
Heavy weekend. I am NOT used to being out yet. It's odd, i'll leave the house and still feel really claustrophic and shy and closed in on myself.
FRIDAY night i dressed up as pirate, went to Katy's flat for a drink, fitted myself in a fridge, met old faces, chatted bullshit to random people, watched the Labyrinthe and passed out.
SATURDAY i took my lil brothers to Vicki Park, was outraged to be charged for £1.10 for the smallest plastic cup of instant hot chocolate in the world, fell asleep while watching Ice Age 2, took people to my house, smoked too much and totally chilled out then fell asleep next to Sim.
SUNDAY i stayed at Ollie's. Watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (which is a fucking brilliant film), drank wine and got a little too pissed. We hugged for what seemed like eternity becasue i was hurting and Ollie was "concerned," then fell asleep at 4am.
MONDAY i managed to crawl into work, then everyone came out for Wendy's leaving party at Vanessa's pub in Larkhall. Had a few drinks, chatted to Jaz and Jess and went home.

Now my throat is killing me, the situation with Ollie is even more fucked, and i am cravin food that i dont have...

xXx

Collars and Cuffs

2006-04-06T17:23:53Z

I have been seeing alot of Ollie Jelley recently. We sat in Henrietta Gardens on Monday cus it was vaguely hot and apparently we had to talk adult stuffs which is never good. Tuesday night he stayed over and i got cained and fell asleep while he watched a Kung Fu film. I woke up at 1am and i chatted stonner bollocks to him til the sun came up. Wednesday we met up once i finished work and we sat next to a church while i had a joint and discussed whether or not Y is a vowel. We are goin to Wales together to saty in his uncles empty house in the summer...
Sunday i went to Doms and saw my pretty pretty pretty people. All my friends are edible.
Just came back home from work then a spliff in the crescent with people. Chaz is growing into a dude of a guy...

I feel partially content.
xXx

Hell

2006-03-25T21:20:53Z

Im so scared.

Rats

2006-03-23T18:04:57Z

Being in town all the time again is slightly unnerving. I keep seeing people i havent seen in ages. surrealism.
I hate not being great at something, and i hate looking stupid.
Im paranoid.
I want a spliffff, a hot chocolate Doolally Style, 12 hours sleep, the perfect figure and not to be a girl.
xXx

The Beautiful People

2006-03-16T13:52:52Z

pretty_like_u @ 2006-03-15T17:35:00

2006-03-15T17:35:38Z

Pendulum's the best.

pretty_like_u @ 2006-03-14T16:28:00

2006-03-14T16:30:16Z

I GOT A MOTHERFUCKING JOB
xXx

pretty_like_u @ 2006-03-09T18:21:00

2006-03-09T18:22:00Z

An alt. rating community, for beautiful dolls.
dollwhores

pretty_like_u @ 2006-03-07T16:37:00

2006-03-07T16:43:24Z

Being at Ollie's last night was chillin. We watched Sid & Nancy and Girl, Interrupted on DVD. Had a few spliffs, drank beer and chatted bullshit to each other. It got to 2 am, so i made Ollie watch Jeremy Kyle. We stupidly had sex again. But he wanted it so it's all ok. And i felt pretty for an hour.
Some idiot paid £26 for my red & black leapard print bag on Ebay. Little do they know that i got it for 20p at a car boot sale. It's from H &M, so new it would only have cost a fiver at the most. Ha.
My throat aches like a bitch.
And i have a job interview next week.
Love lust ex's and kisses.
xXx

Look At Your Monitor

2006-03-06T14:12:19Z

I got my Truck Fetsival ticket and i'm having a night in with Ollie, so i'm happy.
The nightmares have stopped.
I may get a cleaning job. I dont give a shit if anyone thinks its low; it's good money, its something i love and i dont have to deal with people.
Camera's lie.
I wish i was motivated- anyone got any secrets?
xXx

"I dont really give a fuck about you.Put some make up on your face"

2006-03-05T19:59:48Z

I wrote my mum a letter. That always helps things.
Nice people are the nemesis of all evil. Boring. Fake. Try hards.
I feel more than a little hated, bored, poor and unsociable. How long is it since i had a fucking night out? If i dont get this Puzzle Job im gunna go kill a cat.
I WANT MY GUITARRRRR.

Wild Human

2006-03-04T21:47:14Z

I got some photos developed so i thought i would share...

http://i39.photobucket.com/albums/e152/Riotgrrl06/Ruth.jpg
http://i39.photobucket.com/albums/e152/Riotgrrl06/NinaRuthGinia.jpg
http://i39.photobucket.com/albums/e152/Riotgrrl06/NinaMeRuthGinia.jpg
http://i39.photobucket.com/albums/e152/Riotgrrl06/MeNinaSebEllie.jpg
http://i39.photobucket.com/albums/e152/Riotgrrl06/MeNinaSebEllie2.jpg

I think i heard a shot...

2006-03-02T17:01:00Z

My sleep pattern is a mess. I wake up at 4am every single morning and it takes me hours to get back to sleep. Plus, I keep having these incredibly fucked up dreams; that my dog was a blind egg. That my other dog ate half of my parrot. That i'm a chronic anorexic and i'm really disgustingly skinny. That i'm back with Aaron and he's beating me up while we're having sex. That my mum goes to America and doesn't come back. It's scary and i want it to end.
My community has been re done. So any of you pretty people that wanna join, its www.livejournal.com/communities/dollwhores
Yesterday, i forced Dave to come to Vicki Park and the Botanical Gardens with me. We played on the swings and slides and roundabout and it was fun. Odd not being stonned though. I don't like it.
My nails are growing so nicely. My hair is brown and i feel dull.
I made a list of all the tattoos i want as soon as i get a job;
"Despite the damage on the outside, everyone is pretty on the inside" tattooed somewhere
a fish on my ankle for my family&friends
a rose curling round my thigh
"Girl" written under my left ass cheek.

Love lust clevage and the sex pistols.
xXx

Go Have Fun

2006-02-24T16:40:28Z

I did the quiz from Rich's journal...Because i can.

Last...
boyfriend: Aaron
hug: Real hug = My mummy Acting hug = Ollie
cuddlefest: And what exactly is a cuddlefest?
kiss: Ollie
phonecall: Helen
time you had sex: two weeks ago…I think
relationship: Aaron
time you said i love you: about a month ago
compliment you received: a few days ago. KT told me that my skin was glowing.
insult you received: a few minutes ago. Apparently I’m getting fat.

Are you...
shy: I am capable of shyness
outgoing: never.
failing a class: let’s re phrase… “Failed a class”...Sure. I failed everything.
a prude: nope
a slut: it has been said that on occasion, I can be a slut.
lazy: I am the god damn queen of being lazy. Laziness wastes my days.
too shy to make the first move: If I want someone I’ll make it obvious.You all know that subtlety isn't in my dictionary.
afraid of anything: depression, spiders, being alone

Have you ever...
cheated on someone: yeah
been cheated on: if I have, I’ve been lied to
made out: yeah
cuddled with someone: yeah
had sex: yeah
done drugs: yeah
been in love: unfortunately
kissed someone: yeah
kissed someone of the SAME sex: yeah
used someone: what other function do people have? Ha. I'm kidding. But yeahh, i've used people
given head: yeah. And so you know, i give good head. Because i have a penis and i practise on myself.

Are you:
simple/complicated?: no one is simple. everyone has thier issues.
tall/short?: I’m 5’4” so whatever that makes me
skinny/fat?: I’m getting to the fat stage. And greeting it with open arms.
quiet/loud?: I can be both. It depends on a lot of factors.
serious/light hearted?: Serious

Who is your...
best friend: Right now, I wouldn’t say I have a best friend. In general Nina and Ollie.
crush: Will Spear and Gemma
boyfriend/girlfriend: I’m single.
celeb crush: Courtney Love, Brody Dalle, anyone from Suicide Girls and recently, I decided that Sean Bean is the fittest man in the world. He just has that angry English gangster thing going on. Hot as fuck.
favourite sibling: I’m not gunna pick a favourite cus that’s mean as fuck. any of them excluding Ben and Kieran.
favourite teacher: I don’t have teachers in my world. I like to do the teaching

xXx

Snores

2006-02-23T20:18:49Z

I have started doing yoga. The first time i did it, it barely felt like exercise. But the next day, muscles ached that i didn't even know existed. Plus, all the deep breathing and stretching calms me down a treat.By summer i shoudl have the tonedest body in the world.
The snow looked fucking beautiful today, so i went for a walk. And it looked so pretty. The crummy buildings and broken glass and smashed windows looked shit as ever, but the snow made evertyhing look pure and new as it always does.
One week without a cigarette. I am a fucking genius.
I really am counting the days till i get a job, a pay check and can get some weed and smoke a fat joint. Heaven.

No shadow

2006-02-21T17:03:47Z

I slammed a door shut and accidently left my finger IN the door. So it instantly turned black. Sumptuous.
Today has been productive. Had an interview, and was interviewed by probably the most obvious lesbian in the world. She kept staring at my legs and chest, so i flashed a little more than was neccessary. She better get me a job some time soon.
Channel 4 is having a week of drugs awareness type programmes, so i amsued myself by watching the guy from Big Brotherz give up weed. He had these crazy dreams the first few nights, which is exactly what i had when i stopped smoking. The therapist said it is completely normal though. It inspired me quite alot actually. Not enough to give up blazing, but nevermind. i guess i just need to burn myself out of it.
I haven't had a cigarette in two days. i haven't bitten my nails in three days. I'm dying my hair tonight. And i got whistled at my some builders. Now i KNOW i'm hot.
xXx